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God Damn Barge Man! Barquero is directed by Gordon Douglas and written by George Schenck. It stars Lee Van Cleef, Warren Oates, Forrest Tucker, Kerwin Matthews and Mariette Hartley. Music is by Dominic Frontiere and cinematography by Gerald Perry Finnerman. When is a Spaghetti Western not a Spaghetti Western? When it's Barquero is the answer. It has the feel of a Pasta Oater, from the colour photography and musical scoring, to the pungent dialogue delivered in various guises of grizzle and accents, Barquero clearly takes its lead from Europe. Which as it happens is absolutely fine because this is a hugely enjoyable exercise. "I would give anything in the world to spend the night with you... Except my barge" Plot basically involves a cat and mouse scenario played out on each side of a river. On one side is a gang of thieves led by Warren Oates' Jake Remy, who after executing a robbery in town are trying to leave the country. On the other side is the townsfolk headed by Cleef's Travis, who is the most important man in the play because he owns the ferry barge that is apparently the only means of crossing the band of water. "Back east I read books about men taming the wilderness. I dreamed about those men. They weren't like you. They weren't like you, they were statues that people could look up to. The only resemblance you bear to a statue is pigeon droppings" What unfolds is a twin telling of the character dynamics at work in either side of the camp. Remy is a mercenary bastardo who rules his gang with a rod of aggressive iron, Travis is hard bitten by life and actually doesn't care much for the townsfolk he serves. The two men are battling for supremacy not just of the "barge" situation, but of their psychological well beings. Hostage situations come into play, there's plenty of scowling at each other across the water, some piercing violence and it builds to a grand finale with a battle fit for some viking based epic! Casting aside the cheese laden dialogue, and it's best just to run with it to fully enjoy the picture, it's a production of some serious quality. With two of the genre's best brooders leading the cast, the acting side of things is in good hands. Backing up Cleef and Oates (both excellent) are Tucker (Travis' comic side-kick but still hard as nails) and Matthews (Remy's voice of reason), and although she's under used, the adorable Hartley hits the right notes for the key female role that tempts and taunts Travis' core masculinity. The Colorado location photography is gorgeous, the beautiful shimmering landscapes alive in De Luxe Color. Frontiere's (Hang 'Em High/Chisum) score is dynamite, blending Spaghetti style clangs with military percussion, it swells and explodes at all the key points of plotting. Douglas (Rio Conchos) is unfussy in direction, maintaining interest during the talky character expansion scenes. And finally I simply have to mention the sound mix (Robert Miller and Ben Sad), it's tremendous, the thunder of hooves and the crack of gunfire literally splinters the ears, joyously so. I viewed this in HD on UK TCM on my home cinema system, suffice to say if possible I recommend you see it that way as well! Awash with caricatures and the sort of tongue in cheek scripting that lends it a vibe to not be taken serious, it's clearly not a hidden masterpiece, but this is fascinatingly muscular fun that also looks and sounds tremendous. 7.5/10