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Now I did quite enjoy "John Carter" with Taylor Kitsch from 2012 but yikes what have they done to the story here? Antonio Sabato Jr in the "Carter" role makes Kitsch look like Marlon Brando. He's just dreadful. To be fair, the third-rate CGI doesn't help, nor does the pretty awful script or the fact that he is clearly there (shirt off) to complement the even less glorious talents of the eponymous character (Dejah Thoris) who seems to have based her characterisation on an over-exposed, sepia-tinted, version of "Wonder Woman". Somebody decided that the US operations in the Middle East was a better starting point and it all goes downhill quite continuously from there. I did quite like the worm thing that spurted out the nutritious milk as our character finds himself transported from Earth to the deserts of Mars where he soon becomes embroiled in a war for the survival of his warlike and horned captors. Luckily he can jump. Boy, can he jump - just not far enough to escape the ensuing nonsense that is reminiscent of Glen A. Larson's "Buck Rogers in the ...". Did "Jabba the Hut" lend out his sailing barge too? It's not the end of the world - though you can see that from here, it's just derivative and trashy.
**_The ‘B’ version of “John Carter”_** When a “jarhead” is injured in Afghanistan (Antonio Sabato Jr), he is used in a teleportation experiment and transferred to a planet in the Alpha Centauri stellar system. Due to the lower gravity, he has the ability to leap great distances and earns the respect of his captors, the Tharks. After meeting a human-like princess (Traci Lords), she leads them to an air-purifying station that keeps the planet hospitable. "Princess of Mars" (2009) is based on Edgar Rice Burroughs’ pulp work from 1912 and follows the book pretty well, just updating the opening and cutting out the fat; not to mention adding the (unnecessary) character of Sarka, along with alterations to the various creatures and the addition of some well-done droll humor. Burrough’s Barsoom series (and his books in general) were the comic books of that day and so this flick is very comic booky and can be enjoyed on that level. Costing a fraction of the forthcoming “John Carter,” you can’t really compare the two. It omits any reference to the mysterious and fascinating Therns, who didn’t debut until Burroughs’ second book, “The Gods of Mars” from 1913, which the Disney blockbuster morphed from indigenous Barsoomians to a race of technologically advanced aliens of unknown origin. Nevertheless, there’s still some meat on the bones with the interesting atmosphere-cleaning plant, as well as the understandable contention between the Tharks and their human-like rivals on Barsoom, the latter of which maintain the station. Traci Lords was 41 during shooting, but in perfect physical shape, so I found her acceptable as Dejah Thoris, despite her age, blonde hair and lack of reddish skin tone. Keep in mind that while the Brothers Grimm described Snow White as having hair as black as ebony, there have been renditions of the story where she has “golden” hair, including at least two films, one of them being The Asylum’s own “Grimm’s Snow White.” It runs 1 hour, 33 minutes, and was shot in the Greater Los Angeles area at Vasquez Rocks, Bronson Caves, Long Beach, Santa Clarita, Shea's Castle and nearby Castle Ranch in Lancaster. GRADE: B-
A team of American astronauts leave their space station on the first mission to Mars, but the captain's religious beliefs may get in the way.
Clear Skies follows a trio of down-and-out misfits who've seen no end of bad luck. John Rourke is the obstinate captain of the Clear Skies, a Tempest class battleship manufactured by the downtrodden Minmatar race of New Eden. Rourke's attitude toward his hazardous chosen lifestyle is cavalier, although this does not sit well with his friends among the crew.
These likeable dropouts from the entrenched corporate lifestyle of New Eden eke out a meager living on trade runs and the odd courier job here and there. Still, they manage to find humor in their grim lot as they narrowly avoid being blown out of the stars by pirates, hired thugs, or whatever threat awaits them on the other side of the next jump gate. This is life aboard the Clear Skies.
The son of a sorceress, armed with weapons, armour and six magically summoned knights, goes on a quest to save a princess from a vengeful wizard.
It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outward and visible dream, of an inward and invisible reality ... Once upon a time there was a golden city. In the center of the golden city, atop the tallest minaret, were three golden balls. The ancients had prophesied that if the three golden balls were ever taken away, harmony would yield to discord, and the city would fall to destruction and death. But... the mystics had also foretold that the city might be saved by the simplest soul with the smallest and simplest of things. In the city there dwelt a lowly shoemaker, who was known as Tack the Cobbler. Also in the city... existed a Thief, who shall be... nameless.
Husband-and-wife scientists pick up a pie-in-the-sky TV message supposedly from Mars.
A bored prince realizes he would like a wife. His mother searches through all the kingdoms far and wide for a "suitable" princess. In the meantime, a charming and witty young lady, who claims to be a princess, shows up at the castle doorstep with a sprained ankle and is shown hospitality by the prince and his best friend the Fool.
For four years, the courageous crew of the NSEA protector - "Commander Peter Quincy Taggart", "Lt. Tawny Madison and "Dr.Lazarus" - set off on a thrilling and often dangerous mission in space...and then their series was cancelled! Now, twenty years later, aliens under attack have mistaken the Galaxy Quest television transmissions for "historical documents" and beam up the crew of has-been actors to save the universe. With no script, no director and no clue, the actors must turn in the performances of their lives.
When the nefarious Dark Helmet hatches a plan to snatch Princess Vespa and steal her planet's air, space-bum-for-hire Lone Starr and his clueless sidekick fly to the rescue. Along the way, they meet Yogurt, who puts Lone Starr wise to the power of "The Schwartz." Can he master it in time to save the day?
Set in the future, the story follows a young soldier named Johnny Rico and his exploits in the Mobile Infantry. Rico's military career progresses from recruit to non-commissioned officer and finally to officer against the backdrop of an interstellar war between mankind and an arachnoid species known as "the Bugs."
Shortly after the Royal Family adopts a young girl named Alise, she is taken away into the forest. Princess Odette, Derek and their woodland friends, must work together to find a way to bring her home to the castle.